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“Change or die. This is probably how we can characterize what happened to me 3.5 years ago, when my whole life turned upside down, forcing me to change everything completely: lose 25 kg, give up animal food and alcohol, change my activity, become a different person. But first things first.”
No evening was complete without beer or wine.
At school I was actively involved in sports and athletics, and being overweight was out of the question. Thin, wiry, dry. Everything started to change with the arrival of business into my life. In 2012, my future partner and I started a project selling paintings, posters and portraits. We started from scratch, without investments, loans or experience. Not everything went well, but we reached a good level and worked with large companies.
It took several years, a lot of nerves and worries. I made up for it with food and alcohol. At first there were light drinks such as beer and wine. Then the strongest ones.
I began to actively gain weight: from 65 kg I gained weight to 80-85 kg. From size S I gradually reached the unimaginable XL. As I remember, horror invades me.
Photo: from the personal archive of Yaroslav Goldyrev.
In an attempt to calm my nerves, I started traveling more. Each trip was accompanied by gluttony and abundance of alcohol. Calls, messages, difficulties. Everything had to be decided even there, far beyond the borders of the homeland. And what would an evening be without beer and wine?
His wife’s departure was the last point.
90 kg has become the norm for me. But weight is not the main thing. The main thing is that all this time I hated myself and did not want to live. The intoxication gave me a state of joy for at least 15 minutes.
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“I drank beer and ate shawarma.” A personal story about recovering and losing 20 kg.
Even then I was clear that it was time to change something, but I was afraid of changes and of disappearing, getting lost and not earning a living. So I stayed in a business that didn’t bring me any joy.
Photo: from the personal archive of Yaroslav Goldyrev.
In my heart I dreamed of traveling, working remotely and looking at the world as a free person, not dependent on anything or anyone. To establish a business, I attracted investments after listening to smart business advisors. This was the last straw.
Tension increased, everyone had to pay and funds became even more scarce. And then in my house the clinking of the bottles became a daily and constant ritual. I couldn’t sleep at night and would wake up in a panic because I didn’t understand how to solve money problems. Rent, salaries, bills. I could only fall asleep after drinking. But this was enough for a couple of hours. And then the horror and unwillingness to get up in the morning and do anything.
He couldn’t stand himself and his life to such an extent that even while he was on the plane flying to the Seychelles for his honeymoon, he expected to fall somewhere along the way. And all this torment will simply end.
The peak period was from fall 2019 to spring 2020. In six months, my entire life fell apart. Then I drank every day and already weighed 95 kg. Almost overnight, my business collapsed into oblivion, leaving me without a livelihood. My wife left me. And she simply did not understand how and why to live anymore. And I wasn’t even 30 years old yet…
There will be no recommendations here on how to stop drinking. But about alcohol, as about any other habit, I know one thing:
When you want to live, when life is dear to you, you value yourself and love yourself, you will never take a drop of poison.
We all understand that we kill ourselves with cigarettes, alcohol and even coffee. Everyone feels it. And we do it consciously only because there is nothing more valuable than this momentary joy. That’s how I stopped drinking. One day, after breaking up with my wife, I felt like I couldn’t do this anymore, that’s all. I haven’t touched alcohol since and I don’t see any point in it.
Photo: from the personal archive of Yaroslav Goldyrev.
At the same time, in my family, on the male side, everyone is an alcoholic. They all died from the effects of alcohol.
Happiness cannot be known without suffering.
It’s the same story with weight. Hitting the bottom of my own life made me wake up and get sober. I understood that I would not go back to the old days, but I don’t know how else. And the search began. I was led to spirituality.
I started practicing, nails, meditation and chanting mantras. In fact, the point is not in the methods themselves, they will not solve the problems, but my condition changed, the weight began to disappear. Without diets, sports and self-abuse.
By the way, I have a special love for nails. My relationship with Sadhu’s board of directors occurred three and a half years ago. The metal protruding from a wooden board, which, as it seemed to me, was mercilessly trying to pierce my legs, hit me completely unexpectedly in the Stolby Nature Reserve in the Krasnoyarsk Territory.
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The sharp tips of real nails dug into my feet, tearing me in pain. The body twisted, gasping for breath. I managed to stand on these little fear killers for only 30 seconds. But this was precisely the beginning of my changes in life.
You can delight in suffering and pain when you understand why they are necessary and where they lead. Not by trying hard, but by surpassing yourself, discovering new facets of your own will. The transformations that come with the willingness to face fears are colossal.
Also read:
“4 years without sugar, meat, flour and dairy.” Personal story about extreme weight loss
I couldn’t carry this fat anymore.
Naturally, one day I gave up meat. I just felt hungry, that’s all. This helped me lose extra pounds, but, as I said above, the weight depends on the condition. If you don’t tune into the change, you won’t be able to lose weight.
I remember losing 10 or 15 kg in a month. I didn’t have a goal to lose weight, but I had an internal intention to change. The 95 kg first gave way to 85 kg and then 76 kg.
This weight suited me, but something was wrong. The more I practiced, the more I wanted light food. I gave up not only meat, but also other animal products. In general, I switched to a vegan diet, with a greater predominance of greens, fruits and vegetables. This was also not a goal, but happened on its own naturally.
Photo: from the personal archive of Yaroslav Goldyrev.
There is no magic pill
A month ago I returned from Tibet, where I lost another 5 kg. But my body did everything it could to get back to “normal.” Now I weigh between 69 and 70 kg again and it is a comfortable figure for me.
He lost 25 kg in about 1.5 years. I repeat, without having a goal, without making any effort, without doing any sport! And not on a diet. What she was doing was loving myself, loving my life, and creating my own meaning in this very life. And all these practices became my profession.
It is important that you find for yourself what you want to live for. It’s something inside that excites you. No money, no cars, no apartments. And what makes you happy without the participation of other people.
Photo: from the personal archive of Yaroslav Goldyrev.
Then you will begin to change in leaps and bounds. Most of the time this happens, as it did for me, because of complete rock bottom, a loss of meaning in life, and disappointment. But I consider that period the best of my life. I woke up and became free, more beautiful, younger and healthier every day.
The psychologist’s opinion.
psychologist, founder of the School of Play Practice
“First of all, with the help of meditative practices, the author was able to remain alone with his thoughts and listen to his body.”
In fact, from a psychosomatic point of view, excess weight can be a response to low self-esteem, guilt, the need for protection and a lack of positive emotions.
Therefore, when you find a goal for yourself that you want to live and develop, the body quickly returns to a state comfortable for this. There is no magic here: positive emotions and restful sleep help the production of hormones and normalize the functioning of all organs.
Photo: istockphoto.com
In addition, many practices help get rid of negative beliefs such as “I can’t do it”, “it’s difficult”, “you can only lose weight by doing sports and dieting”. While searching for one’s purpose and mission, the human psyche fixates on points A and B. And when the goal is clearly defined and described, it is much easier to achieve it.
The dietitian’s opinion.
nutritionist, gastroenterologist, candidate of medical sciences, clinical pharmacologist
“At a young age, the metabolism is more active, which contributes to the rapid breakdown and utilization of food. The body processes calories and toxins better.”
Before the age of 30, the body’s cells are typically better able to regenerate, allowing them to recover more quickly from exposure to harmful substances. Young people tend to be more physically active, which also leads to more efficient metabolism and food absorption.
Also, don’t forget about the accumulation effect. The longer we consume toxins, the greater the toxic load on the body.
After the age of 30, the metabolism becomes less efficient, the cells lose their regenerative capacity and the body becomes more sensitive to harmful substances. Eating a diet rich in fatty and high-calorie foods, as well as excessive alcohol consumption, begins to have a more noticeable impact on health, increasing the risk of suffering from various diseases, including cardiovascular and metabolic problems.
Photo: istockphoto.com
In the case of the hero, it was not his lifestyle that became critical, but his psycho-emotional state. The constant stress brought him to the point that he tried to get out of. An unstable nervous system is the most painful place for many people who live in big cities and work a lot. Stress creates an imbalance throughout the body.
But the worst thing is that it is impossible to avoid stress. We can only react to it correctly, look for a point of peace within ourselves.
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THE NAIS IS OFFICIAL EDITOR ON NAIS NEWS